Public Transportation Cell Phone Etiquette

Hello, public transportation seat neighbor. I just wanted to say that I’m genuinely sorry to hear that you miss your spouse so much and wish you didn’t have to work such late hours all the time. But hey, at least you’ll be making it up later with those "new toys,” right? I’m also sorry that your boss was an asshole at work today. It truly is just as unnerving to me to think that he might actually be stealing your oatmeal packets. I would be fuming too. But you know, at least you have a good friend to call who will listen for 20 minutes straight during rush hour traffic jams. Oh and that Chinese food order you just called in? It sounds so, so, so, sooo delicious, it really does, and Moo-Shoo chicken happens to be my favorite dish as well! But honestly, stop talking so loudly on your cell phone or I’m going to slap you. Thanks.